Hello everyone! Happy new year.
My name is Stephanie for those of you that are new here. It has been a while since I have come onto my website or even written for the blog. If I am being honest, 2021 was one of the HARDEST years of my life. I was challenged in each and every way possible. I had to take time off to be able to deal with life itself.
I did not always handle it in the best ways. Although I didn't go back to all my physical self destructive ways, I was not in the best place spiritually and mentally all of the time. I was exhausted. I am not telling you this to complain, I am being real and trust me there is a point to it.
This hard season taught me a lot about myself. Past self, current, and who I want to be in the future. It taught me areas from my childhood and teenage years that still needed healing. It taught me about the seasons where I was healthier in certain aspects and what I needed to start doing again. It taught me how to speak up more and not let my pride swallow me whole.
The hard season taught me that a blessing can be a burden if I have tainted glasses on. I could have prayed for this, but because I was so angry, depressed, and bitter, I could not manage certain things in the way they should have. Now, i'm not saying my whole life was a dumpster fire and I was fighting everyone that came within 6ft of me, but I knew that I needed help. I needed love from God. I needed restoration in many areas. I needed love from friends and family. I needed faith and healing.
The strong friend (me) needed to put her bag down. I needed to be carried at times. It taught me to take the superhuman cape off and just be human. To let down those tears that I tried so hard to hide to protect everyone else, but I was in turn destroying myself. For years I tried to take care of so many people and not "burden" them because they were already dealing with enough.
(looks in mirror)
Guess what boo, so were you!!!
I didn't want to seem like a bad daughter, friend, employee, or whatever. For asking for help. WHAT? Not you being human Stephanie?!
You look like the strong one, but in turn that teaches you to invalidate your needs.
That isn't ok. You are important and you deserve help too. If the people around you don't show you that they can't help you, then look elsewhere. Not everyone can help you. They may not have the knowledge, tools, capacity or desire to do it. You shouldn't assume that it's always that they don't have the desire. I can have the desire to help you with your homework, but as soon asn you present some math problems, I want to get out of there. God will reveal people in your life that can be a resource in this season. And just a tip, not ONE person in this world will have all the answers to all of your problems. Don't put that kind of pressure on anyone. That'll set you up for disappointment. *coming from experience*
Hard seasons teach you about what you do when you are under pressure. Different seasons can bring new or old things out of us. Are you dialing someone's number to get back in touch with them when you know you shouldn't? Why do you do that, you know the chaos that is there already. Instead of facing the new one in front of you. This is just another form of procrastination. Fighting old demons seems easier than facing new ones. You don't know what they are capable of. Despite what power you may want to give them, God can give you the tools to get rid of them, new and old ones.
Picking up your Bible or going for a walk instead of picking up the bottle, can be foreign and uncomfortable. You have to beat this. Finding happiness or the solution at the bottom of the bottle or end of a blunt isn't the answer. I am not shaming you. I know how it feels to want to numbvor not feel something for a while. It doesn't solve the problem, it just gives you a distraction for a bit and gives you more problems in the end.
You want to know what the hard season also taught me and those around me? How powerful God is and the power of prayer. Wow. The obstacles that I had overcome because of God. The mightly power of God in situations that I was fighting for my spiritual life. That only a few that have that kind of spiritual access to me know about. Battles that it took a true miracle to get out of. Although we can say we believe in God, sometimes God shows up in ways that will BLOW your mind. Things that you feel only happened in the Bible or in movies. God you want to show up for me? Yes, and he wants to show up for you too.
The hard season also taught me how much stronger I was in other areas and how much I've healed. It is obvious to see the bad, but man have I come a LONG WAY. There were times I would have responded in ways that probably would have gotten me fired, locked up, or without another friend. yikes, but thank the Lord for healing, therapy, and consitent internal work. Learning coping skills that didn't put me back in those frames of thoughts, or when they *may have come up* lol I wouldn't act out on it. I've come too far to go back to who I was in very dangerous parts of my life. I am not afraid to say that.
Hard seasons show you how to lay your cards on the table and say this is what I've got. What do I do with it and what are you going to do. You show up and are bold, and fight. Fight to survive this season and know that God is on your team, not against you. Fight like you have a life worth living for. Fight like your life and the purpose place within you by God. Because your life is valuable, you do have a purpose! Everyday you are alive is a gift. Its an opportunity to learn and teach.
Life not only about the arrival, its also about your journey. You can take a trip to the the middle of the Amazon rainforest, which is amazing, but you know what I want to know how did you get there? What did you do to survive? Did you have people help you? What did you have to adapt to? Same thing comes with hard seasons. I had people help me, I adapted and shifted to make things work. I had to admit to God when I needed guidance so I wouldn't get more lost or fall in a deeper pit.
Are you going to take the season as a complete loss? Although I may have said I wanted to through 2021 in the trash, lol. I was able to repurpose it for something better. I was able to see the light, where it was such a dark place. I pray you can do the same. I hope you take the tainted glasses off and let go of your pride each and everyday. They are too heavy for you to carry on this journey. Allow God to help you and guide you to safe places, people and resources to recharge. You will get through this. Just don't give up. <3
Just in case no one told you this today: You matter, I see your progress, & You are WAY stronger
than you think!