Hey, my name is Stephanie and I am a recovering Perfectionist! Im not saying this as a joke, it is a real problem that tries to creep into EVERY part of my life. Maybe some of you are too? Setting crazy expectations on yourself or others and then missing the mark. Not quite getting it all done or done to the level you want it to be.
We are running around like chickens with our heads cut off trying to get everything done... and you keep missing the mark. I know I am a recovering perfectionist. I always have to battle the part of me with ridiculously high expectations of myself. At times it is not other people putting those expectations on me, it's me. Let's not forget that we put expectations on other people as well.
I was having a conversation with a friend this week about her frustrations about her job and what she wanted out of it and the people leading her. I was reminded of something someone told me a couple years ago and I shared it with her
"Stop expecting a you out of people"
What does this mean? Stop expecting that people would act in a way that you would. That they would think, respond, show up, support, and go above and beyond like you would. It does not mean to not have standards, and a level of expectations. It means to not hold that thought or feeling above the understanding that people are human, they have free will, and they have their own shortcomings. Have boundaries and what you will or will not tolerate. I know that there are times that we are like "what in the world is wrong with you" and get frustrated because in short we may be looking for our clone. To be honest, I like some of my characteristics but some of them, I would not want replicated 24-7. Some people think so highly of themselves and say I'm so great to be around all of the time! ....I just think....
Are we being honest on where we are holding ourselves and others to?
Here are some things I want you to consider.
Please use I or they in place of ______
Check your fuel tank
Do _______ have the energy, in all aspects, to be doing that at this moment?
Do _______ have other things going on that are impacting their ability to show up (at best capacity)?
If you were to trade places how would each show up knowing the limitations?
When was the last time _______ refueled....and full tank not putting in a 1/4 tank.
Which reminds me... check in how you fill up your car. Are you that kind of person that
waits until you're almost on E to fill up, you're the kind of person that only puts 1/4 tank at a time, or you're the person that you're halfway and always fills up, because you never know what lies ahead in your journey. Now that you have answered that, see how that shows up with your energy levels. That means physical, spiritual, mental/emotional. Do you recharge when you're halfway because you don't want to run out in the middle of when you may really need it in your journey or do you wait till your body is flashing the gas light and say "I know my body/car" it can go a little further. No. Just in case you need the reminder when you do that to your car you risk your engine misfiring or damaging the fuel pump. (click the link for reference) The same thing can happen to you.
Check the vessel and what it is built for
Are you /_____ built for this? Not in the you need to step it up and its attainable, but really examining is this what _____ were intended for. You cannot expect a private jet to fly 350+ passengers. Thats unrealistic.
Keep in mind what is the capacity of this person/of you?
What are the smaller goals _______ can break that big goal down to? certain planes are built with bigger fuel tanks for longer distances. Plan accordingly.
Check the route the plane was supposed to be going
Did you listen to where _____ said ______ were supposed to be going? The original location might have been The promise land but this going to derail or slow _____ down from getting there. Remember the the Isrealites took 40 years on something that would have taken them 40 days. Can you imagine having to walk over 455 miles! Then getting pulled to do something else entirely different? To go the opposite way, just to turn back around to go to the original destination. _______ was given an order and that was to get there.
Examine what that will costs, because turning around a vessel like an airplane comes at a cost. Just like whats ahead of you.
What communication was given before and throughout the travel process
The airport and flight attendants give an expectation at the start of the journey. This is the expected arrival time, these are the challenges, this is the weather for your next destination. As the flight progresses they tell you about any trouble (turbulence) and weather issues, delays, what needs to be done etc.
Have ______ expresses any challenges or delays?
Have ______ expressed what ______ can provide out of this ______(job, friendship, relationship etc).
Have ______ communicated if there has been a change of plans or what can be provided? If there is a lot of turbulence on the flight the flight attendants cannot pass out drinks or food at that time. They must remain seated.
Have you extended grace to _______ for being human? Have they?
We all have a certain destination we want to reach but are both parties on the same page. We can reach new heights together but thats if we both agree to go in the same direction. We can support one another on the according trip and the trials that come up! Or support ourselves and give ourself grace for being human and not crazy machines.
The Un-communicated expectations can have you on the wrong flight going back to a land that you left a while ago. It can have you also stuck in a connecting airport frustrated because you didn't pay attention to the original announcements. Let's work on getting to the promise land in a good time span. Ask yourself these questions and see what needs to be done.
You have the power, and where you are weak God is strong.
Much love & Hugs,
Stephanie Garcia T