The Sexual Seed
The Sexual Seed
The human race craves sex for a variety of reasons. To procreate, to fill a void, to fulfill a fleshly desire, to express love, to cover another emotion and the list goes on. Wanting these desires are not inhuman. In fact God created sex to be a wonderful experience. What many people fail to acknowledge, is everything that comes with it. Sex comes with the possibility of catching a sexually transmitted infection, getting pregnant/getting someone pregnant, emotional residue & soul ties.
Change your diet!
Although, it is a lot easier to say “don’t have sex,” than actually refraining from it. It all starts with a seed that is planted within us. I am a big believer in being mindful of what you consume; see, hear, & eat. These things plant seeds and other people may water it. When you're struggling from refraining, when the opportunity to be alone with someone you’re attracted to becomes available, it’ll make it harder to resist.
Here are some things to be mindful of:
Be careful what you are talking about. You can only resist your thoughts for so long!
Stay away from porn/sexual shows
Change what music you’re listening to. (even if it’s just for a bit. Trust me, I love R&B music as much as any other millennial that grew up in the Northeast. Trey Songz has a gifted voice and can bring you to texting that person you’re attracted to and to committing the act. He will have you saying:
“And I wish we never did it
And I wish we never loved it
And I wish I never fell so deep in love with you and now ain't no way we can be friends.”
Set boundaries with the person/people that make you cave (even if it means you don’t text them after a certain time. Mute, Block or delete!) If it’s your significant other just communicate your goal and boundaries. Stick to them.
Don’t sleep in the same bed as someone you find attractive.
Replace your old habits or triggers with new ones (ie. go to the gym, pick up a hobby)
Have an accountability partner that is the same gender as you (if you are a guy, telling your homegirl that you’re struggling and you are horny, may make her have other thoughts about you in her head).
Read things that will purify your mind a lot more. (IE. The Bible, self help books, or some math books for me. That’ll just put me to sleep.)
When all else fails, like my mama says, “if you’re all hot and bothered go take a freezing cold shower. That’ll cool you down!”
Find your reasons why you want to abstain.
Here are some of them reasons you may want to refrain from sexual acts:
I want to remain pure for God, myself, and my future spouse.
I want to create self discipline. I don’t want to be governed by my flesh. If I learn self-discipline in one area it will trickle over to others.
I do not want to risk catching an STI or getting pregnant/ getting someone pregnant.
I don’t want to just fill a void I want to heal.
I am a child of God and he values me. I want to value myself and whomever wants to be with me needs to do the same.
My relationship will not be based on just physical acts. I want to get to know a person for who they really are and not be clouded by how they make me feel in the bedroom.
Write your reasons down and save it on your phone. You can refer back to it when you feel like you are going to cave. The mental list doesn't always work when your hormones are trying to hijack your brain and body!
What’s your time goal?
You need to decide what your end goal is when it comes to what you want to do with your body &/or faith walk. Do you want to hold off 90 days to get to know if the person you are seeing is worth getting your goods & respects you. This also give your time for you and your potential partner to get tested for STI’s. Check those results yourself. If you can’t have that honest talk, maybe you shouldn’t be giving them your body.
Your decision may be to wait until marriage to engage in sexual acts. It’s never “too late” to make that commitment. Just because you lost your virginity, that doesn’t mean you can’t make a choice to remain ‘pure’ from this moment until marriage.
Be realistic!
Just like any other life change it will be uncomfortable to try something new. Understand that it will be an adjustment. Some people are really good at cutting everything at once and others will just cave faster if they do everything at once. Give yourself realistic goals. Start with saying I am going to make it 1 - 6 months without it. When you reach that, then say “ I made it this far. I am sure I can do the same amount again.” Add to it and keep going.
Believe in yourself. I believe in you.
You are worthy to be waited for.